


Survival's Not Enough (New Version)

by Comet96



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Marriage, Minor Character Death, Original Character Death(s), Protective Daryl Dixon, Survival, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24763432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comet96/pseuds/Comet96
Summary: Elspeth Fairfax meets Rick Grimes and becomes memorized by him at first sight. With Lori out of the picture since Carl turned one, Rick's finally ready for someone else. Their life starts out normal until the 2010 apocalypse hits and they have to survive in harsh conditions. But survival's not enough for Elspeth when she thinks Ricks dead. And then he's back ... Rick/OC
Relationships: Rick Grimes/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter One

June 2nd, 2003 - Monday - King County General Hospital -

In all my years of training to be a doctor, I always frowned upon the nurses that fell for their patients. I didn’t believe in the Florence Nightingale effect and believed it was just an excuse to sleep with an attractive patient. 

As the door opened, I spun on my chair ready to greet my latest patient but froze as my eyes locked onto the blue eyes of the man before me. Even though there were bags under his eyes and I could tell that he was clearly stressed, the man in front of me was breathtakingly beautiful.

“Hello?” I muttered, confused as I was meant to be seeing a five-year-old and not some gorgeous man. “Carl Grimes?” I questioned, letting my eyes roaming down as a small hand waved at me. How had I not seen the boy in his arms?

“You’re not Dr Moore,” the man spoke, causing me to blink at him like a fool.

“Umm, no, I’m not,” I mumbled, scratching at my chin as I bit my bottom lip. Why was it in the presence of this man, a man I didn’t even know the name of, I was acting like a sixteen-year-old girl with a crush? I was twenty-four dammit and I should have been able to act like it. “Dr Moore is on maternity leave. I’m coving for her until the end of the summer.”

The man nodded, walking over to the examination bed and settling Carl down gently. Carl gave me a hesitant look as I joined him and his father, wary of the lady he’d never seen before. 

“Hello, Carl, would you mind if I did a few checks on you?” I asked, holding up the stethoscope and ear monitor. I didn’t want him to be scared of me, and I knew how scary doctors could look in their white coats with metal gadgets hanging off them.

Carl gave a small nod and pressed my fingers lightly to the boy's head before turning to rest the back of my palm over his sweating forehead. I could feel a slight temperature rise and would check it with my thermometer to double-check. His blue eyes looked up at me and my heart broke from the raw emptiness held within. 

What had this boy been through?

I grabbed my stethoscope, pressing the cold round metal to the boy's chest, smiling slightly as Carl jumped forward. His dad's shoulder brushed against mine as he reached to soothe his son and my stomach filled with butterflies at the warm touch.

His heart rate was normal, but his breathing was a slight problem and I knew then what was the diagnosis. 

"He's just got a nasty chest infection," I told his dad, stepping away from the Grimes' boys and dropping down into the plush seat at the desk. I turned to the computer as Carl's dad helped him off of the bed and clicked on Carl's folder.

_Name: Carl Grimes_

_Age: 4th May 1998 – 5_

_Height – 66cm/26"_

_Weight – 44.000lb/3st 2_

_Suffered from earaches and the occasional cold._

_No past operations or hospital stays besides after birth._

_C-section at birth. Decreased blood supply to the placenta before birth, which may lead to a small baby. The baby had a slight fever after birth, reduced after two days in a changed temperature incubator._

"How often does Carl come to the doctors, Mr Grimes?" I asked as he took the chair beside mine, his son resting on his lap. I found it curious that none of Carl's previous doctors picked up what I had after looking over his notes.

"It's Rick," he mumbled before looking down to the child in his arms. "Feels like all the time. He gets a nasty cough or small fever, and we end up here,” he explained, setting his eyes on his dark-haired son before looking back at me.

“I want to monitor him for a while, whoever was his doctor before didn’t do the proper testing.” I caught the look of concern on Rick’s face and set my hand on his shoulder to reassure him nothing was wrong. “There’s nothing seriously wrong with him, I noticed he was born with a fever and had a decreased blood supply in the womb. With them both together, I think it caused him to be born with a weak immune system, it could explain why he’s always so sick.”

“What?” He was in disbelief that something like this could have been missed for five years. Carl could have easily been treated and prevented many hospital bills had he had the treatment.

“It’s very common in C-section babies. As I said, I’m surprised it wasn’t caught before now. Look, I’ll write you a prescription and I’ll put it on an emergency so you can go home with it today.” I felt bad for the man, he clearly cared about his son and was frustrated that something like this had happened. 

“Will it be expensive?” Rick asked, stunning me and the sorrow in his voice. From the uniform he was wearing I knew he was an officer over at King County Sheriff’s Department and could guess he wasn’t on the greatest of wages.

“Tell you what, due to this being a fault of the hospital, I’ll put it on the hospital’s funding. You don’t need to worry about it now,” I muttered circling the correct boxes on the prescription to make it clear to the chemist there would be no charge.

“You don’t need to do that,” Rick said, the tone of his voice sharp as he reached out to stop me. I could tell that Rick was a proud man that wouldn’t want to be seen as a charity.

“I want to help, and I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for Carl. Let your pride go for once, Rick and let me help you. You wouldn’t even be in this situation if the hospital paid attention.” I added the last bit to make him see my point.

“I’m not comfortable with this,” he grumbled, shifting Carl in his arms and holding him close. I was a goner when his bright blue eyes locked with mine. 

This compassionate, hard-working man had swallowed his pride and accepted help for his son. He was everything I wanted in a man and I had typically fallen in love with him at first sight. 

“Carl deserves this. He needs the medication, Rick and if you and your wife can’t afford it then let the hospital pay. As I said earlier, they are to blame.” I didn’t want to push him too far, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to pay.

“I ain’t got a wife,” he spoke it so harshly, I had to lean back in my seat. There was still anger and resentment at Carl’s mother that I knew he had a rocky history with her. And from the tone of his voice, I knew she’d left him and not died. As if seeing the understanding in my eyes, Rick carried on. “It’s just me. Carl’s mom left when he was one. She didn’t care for him much and it didn’t take any convincing for her to sign over full custody. So she ain’t got no say in his life, it’s just me.”

Not that I’d ever had someone leave me with a child, I knew how Rick felt. Being a child that was abandoned by their own mother and then handed over to her grandmother by my dad, I knew what they were going through.

The bond between mother and child could be so strong and I knew I would never understand it until I had my own child. What I didn’t understand was why a mother would leave her child. I got that sometimes chemicals in the brain caused it, but I couldn’t understand how such a strong relationship and bond could fray so quickly. I guess I couldn’t be one to judge, I knew what happened to hormones during and after pregnancy.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I muttered, unsure how I was meant to respond. I had no doubt brought up some angry feelings for Rick as he thought about his ex-wife. 

“No problem, it’s not your fault,” he said, running his hands through Carl’s hair as the boy fell asleep against his chest. 

A smile came to my face as I watched Rick. It was so clear that Carl meant the world to him and I yearned for that too. To have someone that loved me the way Rick loved his son - I didn’t even mean it in a romantic way. I wanted the family love Rick had.

Rick’s phone drew my attention away and I turned back to the computer, adding the new information to Carl’s folder. I’d taken up enough of his time and I probably had a line of patients waiting for me.

“I’m going to schedule Carl in for an appointment at the end of the week. I want to see if his chest infection has gone and that there’s nothing too serious.” It was also a way for me to see Rick again. “This has my personal number on so if you need to contact me, please don’t hesitate.”

“Thank you,” Rick said, taking the slip of paper with my number on it. “I mean it, you didn’t have to do this for me, for us.”

I gave him a small smile as his fingers brushed against mine. I hoped that one day, I could talk to him outside of the hospital and possibly over coffee.

“I’ll see you on Friday, Rick,” I said as he got up from the chair and made his way out of the room.

I shook my head and bit my lip as I closed my eyes, thinking about the way this man made me feel.

* * *

I was doing my scheduled shift in the ER when I was stopped in my tracks by a familiar man in a familiar uniform. One of the interning nurses, Kelly, and my life-long friend had told me about the two police officers that came into the ER after a bust-up. Naturally, because I was that sort of person, my mind went straight to Rick. I didn’t even stop to think that there were other men and women working at the police station, I just assumed it was him.

And I had been right, sort of.

“Rick?” I called out as he turned and caught my eyes. I gave him a soft smile and sighed in relief when I saw no visible injuries.

He was standing by another officer that had found himself sitting on a hospital bed, bag of ice on his face. I guess he hadn’t been seen by anyone yet and had just been directed to wait somewhere comfortable.

I was happy when he recognised me, my heart fluttering as his eyes lightened at my approach. Maybe he’d been spending the last two days thinking about me as I had him.

“Dr Fairfax,” he greeted, returning my soft smile before glancing at the man sitting on the bed, “Are you here for Shane? The nurse said she’d be right back.” 

“Umm, no.” Now queue the awkwardness I was about to bring to the table. “I was on my way for lunch when one of the nurses told me you were here. I was worried.” Yep, I was definitely blushing. 

“Oh, err, I’m flattered,” he mumbled, his face also flushing with embarrassment. 

“Take her for coffee,” his friend, Shane, grumbled his voice muffled through the compress on his nose. 

Rick turned to Shane, glaring at him and sending him a warning look before turning back to face me. He ran his hand over his chin, brushing the five O’clock shadow that was starting to appear.

“Can I buy you a coffee?” He didn’t sound embarrassed, but he did sound nervous. 

“I would like that,” I said softly, glancing at Shane and smiling in thanks. I had a feeling Rick wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t for him. “I think Kelly should be back soon, she said something about getting some steri strips to close the wound on your nose.” I took a step closer and grabbed a pair of gloves, pulling them on. “Do you mind?”

Shane pulled his compress away and I touched his tender nose, apologising as he flinched away from my cut. I was mindful of the plaster that had been placed on the bridge of his nose and could tell from the blood soaking the plaster why Kelly felt the need for steri strips.

“It’s not broken, but it’s gonna swell and be a pain for a few days,” I told him, stepping back and throwing my gloves away. I glanced at Rick and bit my lip. “I’m on my lunch break now if you want to join me?”

“Yeah, sure.” He muttered something to Shane before ushering me away from the bed and in the direction of the cafeteria. As we made our way to the cafe, I was curious about how Shane came across his injury.

“So, what happened to your friend?” 

Rick’s laughter tore through the hall and a few people glanced our way. I wonder what they were thinking about seeing a police officer and doctor laughing in the corridor at a hospital.

“There was a fight at the department. Shane tried to get in between two prisoners and they ganged up on him, pushing him into the metal bars.” He ran his hand over his hair and I was drawn to the small curls that formed at the ends of his hair. 

“What were they fighting about?” I asked realising that I was focusing on the smallest thing here. Rick seemed to smile at my question and gave a little shrug.

“No idea, but Shane paid the price for it.”

Twenty minutes later we were sitting in the cafe, him eating a chicken sandwich and while I tucked into a tuna salad. I had learnt all about Rick and Shane’s friendship, how they’d been friends since they were children and had done everything together. In Rick’s eyes, they were more like brothers than friends.

In return, I told him how I’d met Kelly in high school and how we had both decided to join the medical career together even though she was older than me by three years. Despite the age difference, she was my closest friend and we clicked and stuck together like glue.

“How’s Carl?” I asked when the conversation seemed to come to a standstill as we finished off our lunch. Rick fiddled with his coffee cup but gave me a small smile

“It seems the medication you have him on is already doing some good, or at least it looks like it to me,” he replied, twisting his cup in his hand. From the intense look on his face, I knew he was happy that something had finally been done to help his son. “I still don’t know how to thank you, Dr Fairfax.”

“You don’t need to, it’s my job,” I told him, raising my hand when he went to argue. “Though if you really want to thank me, you can start calling me Elspeth, I won’t have any more of this Dr Fairfax.”

“I wouldn’t picture you as the sort to have a name like Elspeth,” he said, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. I tried to hold back my laughter but found I couldn’t.

“What did you think it was?” I asked, shaking my head as I relaxed in my chair. 

“Katherine or Charlotte,” he admitted, scratching at his forming beard as he shrugged, giving me a sheepish look. “Fairfax is kind of a fancy name, supposed you would have one to match it.”

“I was named by my Nana. My mom had postnatal depression and didn’t want anything to do with me and my dad couldn’t handle being a new father on top of his wife being put into rehab and trying to manage his law firm.” I shrugged as if it was nothing because, to me, it wasn’t. I had grown without my parents spaying a significant part of my life, so it didn’t bother me. “My Nana’s called Charlotte and she’s not the sort to name her grandchild after her. She wanted a strong name for me, she knew I’d need it.”

“I’m sorry your parents weren’t there for you,” Rick said, reaching out and resting his hand on mine.

“I’m not.” Seeing the look of confusion on his face, I gave him a soft smile. “It was probably the best thing my dad did for me, sending me here to my Nana. Being here and spending my childhood in Nana’s nursery gave me the push to want to work with children and eventually become a doctor. I have her to thank for my life now.” 

“Your Nana doesn't happen to be Charlotte Riggs by any chance?” he asked, the surprise shining in his eyes as I gave a slight nod. “She used to look after me when I was a kid.”

“Me too,” I teased, jumping slightly as he squeezed my hand. I had forgotten that he was still holding my hand.

“I’ve just signed Carl up for a few sessions at Nana’s while I pick up a few extra hours at work,” he admitted and I was happy to see that he didn’t look ashamed to admit this. 

“He’s gonna love it there.”

“I’m sure he will.” For some reason, I could tell that Rick didn’t feel comfortable with Carl being at Nana’s and I could tell it wasn’t because he was putting his son into childcare. 

“What’s got you worried?” He seemed surprised that I could tell something was bothering him. I gave his hand a squeeze this time, turning my hand until my fingers linked with his.

“I’m not sure how long I can keep him in childcare, I ain’t got the money for it and the extra hours I’m doing only seem to be covering the pay for that. Plus, I don’t want to break his heart when I have to take him out.” 

“I can always watch him for you on my free days,” I suggested, not sure if he’d go for it. To be honest, I wasn't sure why I suggested it. I hardly knew him and I wasn't sure if he’d trust me with his son.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand and I couldn't help but smile again. All I seemed to do around him was smile, which wasn’t exactly a bad thing.

“No, but I want to. Carl’s a sweet boy.”

“I’ll think about it. Perhaps we can ask him if he’d like that when we see you on Friday,” he suggested, giving my hand another squeeze before pulling his hand away and pulled out his phone as it buzzed. “Shane’s been given the clear to leave,” he said after reading the text.

“I should be getting back to work,” I muttered, gathering my rubbish and rising from the table. “I’ll see you on Friday with Carl.”

“It was nice,” Rick said, holding up his coffee cup. “Maybe we could do it again outside of the hospital?” 

I bit my lip to suppress my smile at the obvious offer for a date but nodded and followed him to the bin.

“I’d love to.”

“I’ll see you later, Elspeth,” he muttered, resting his hand on my arm before leaving me to go back to Shane.

* * *

“How’s my favourite patient doing?” I asked as Carl came running into the room followed by Rick. I could tell that he was feeling himself considering he was a completely different child from the one I had seen before.

“You have pretty eyes!” he blurted out, his eyes widening before he ran to hide behind Rick.

“I can see he’s feeling better,” I teased, sharing a laugh with Rick as the man ran his hand through Carl’s hair.

“Yeah, he’s been like it since yesterday,” Rick said, lifting Carl up to rest on the bed as I joined them pulling on some gloves. 

“I’m just gonna check your heartland chest and then I want to check your temperature,” I told the boy, holding up my stethoscope so I wouldn’t scare him.

“That’s cold,” Carl said, jumping slightly as the cold metal pressed against his chest. I gave him an apologetic smile and focused on his heartbeat and then moved the scope to listen to his chest.

“You’re sounding a lot better. I can confidently say that your chest infection is on it’s way to being gone,” I told them both, handing Carl the earbuds so he could busy himself while I turned to add the information on the computer. 

“He’s all clear?” Rick asked, peering over my shoulder as I filled in Carl’s file. “No infection?”

“It seems the medication is doing its job. Hopefully, we can keep him on this for a little longer and fingers crossed he’ll only ever need the seasonal flu jab,” I told him, spinning in my seat to look over at Carl. “Have you asked him?” I asked, knowing Rick would know what I was talking about.

“Carl,” Rick called and his son looked up at him, with wide eyes. “You remember that lady I told you about? The one that was going to look after you sometimes?” Carl nodded and his eyes flickered to me as if connecting the dots. “I was talking about Elspeth, would you like her to watch you when I’m at work?”

“You wanna look after me?” Carl asked, sounding shocked that I would want to spend time with him.

“Of course, little man,” I replied, rolling my chair over to him and giving him a smile. “You want me to?”

“Yeah!” His little face lit up at the idea and he looked at Rick to make sure he was telling the truth.

“Well that settles that then,” Rick grumbled, running his hand over his chin. I had noted his little habit and found it attractive. 

“How about we go out for dinner tonight?” I directed the question to Carl, leaning forward slightly and pretending to whisper to him, making sure Rick could hear. “Your daddy said he’d take me out for a coffee, and he hasn’t yet.” Carl looked at his dad in disappointment and glared at him, his little lips pouting.

“You like burgers?” Carl asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he continued to glare at his dad.

“I love them,” I said, turning my head to glance at Rick, a sly smile on my face.

“Ask her then, dad,” Carl muttered, giving his dad a pointed look. Rick chuckled and shook his head, taking a step closer to us, settling his hands on his hips.

“I guess I ain’t got a choice. Would you like to join us for dinner, Elspeth?”

“Seeing as I forced your hand, I don’t see how I can refuse,” I teased, ruffling Carl’s hair as I took the stethoscope from him. “I get off at six, where are we going?”

* * *

**Thank you for reading xx**


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to get back into writing and keep getting haunted about new scenes to write for a lot of my stories, this one is a big annoyance as it keeps invading my dreams. I have so many ideas for this new version and I hope to be able to feel the passion to continue writing in my free time. It really helps me fight my depression by writing and I will continue to try and fight it by doing something I love.  
> I have left replies to your comments in the endnotes x

"How did you know this was my favourite place?" I asked as we walked to a quiet booth in the corner and waved at a few familiar faces.

"This is everyone's favourite place," Rick replied as he smiled at me, his eyes dropping to Carl as he scooted in the booth next to me.

"True, seeing as Rudy's been feeding us since we were kids," I said, brushing my hand over Carl's head and smiling down at him as he gave me a shy smile.

"Hi, Rick, do you want the usual?" Maggie asked as she came over, her eyes lighting up in surprise as she saw me. "Ellie! What a surprise."

From the wide eyes and the smile on her face, I knew the rumour mill would be spreading this as fast as a fire. No doubt I'd be receiving a call from Kelly tonight.

"Evening, Maggie." Rick drew the woman's attention back to him and he quickly nodded his head. "I'll have our usual and Elspeth will have …"

"A double bacon cheeseburger with fries," I said, noting the surprise on Rick's face. I bet he expected me to have a salad or something. "I'll also have a coke please, diet."

"Okay, and for you, mister? What drink can I get you?" She asked, looking down at Carl.

"Chocolate milk, please."

"Oh, can I get some chocolate milk too please," I added, remembering how good Rudy's chocolate milk was and dying to have a sip of one as my tongue watered.

"I'll be back with your drinks."

"This is going to start the rumour mill," I told Rick, pulling out one of the crayons and drawing on my menu like Carl was doing.

"Does that bother you?"

I caught his eye and gave him a soft smile before looking down at Carl and then glancing back at him. I shook my head and bit my bottom lip, sucking it between my teeth.

"No. It doesn't."

"Good."

We shared a smile before Rick also pulled out a crayon to draw on his menu.

"So, Carl, tell me, does your dad always bring you for dinner here?" I asked, sending Rick a teasing smile as Carl nodded his head.

"Don't lie, Carl, you tell her the truth," Rick said, tapping his fingers on the table as he gave his son a stern look.

"We eat at home too," the boy said, pulling a face at his dad, "dad's just not good at cooking."

"I'm sure he tries his best, Carl." I ruffled his hair and tilted my head to the side as I thought about how it would be nice to have them come for dinner with me and my Nana. "Hey, how about you come round to mine for dinner with my Nana? She's an amazing cook and she'd love to have you both round for dinner."

"We can't do that," Rick said, shaking his head in disagreement while Carl looked at me with hope.

"I've invited you round and now you have to come."

"Yeah, dad, don't be rude."

"Alright, alright, I give in," he joked, raising his hands in surrender as we both ganged up on him.

"Cool, how about you come round on Sunday and we'll have a nice family dinner."

I didn't miss the way both Rick and Carl's eyes lit up at the word 'family'.

* * *

I hadn't been surprised when I got a call from Kelly that night asking me to dish out all the details. I, of course, told her that we'd gone on our first date and that it was nice. I hadn't minded that Carl was with us, I actually thought it was sweet having him with us. I knew that with Rick came Carl so if I wanted to pursue anything with the elder Grimes I had to create a bond with the younger one too.

Six months down the line and I was confident that Carl liked me and was okay with the fact that I was seeing his dad.

"Ellie, can we go?" Carl asked, pulling me from my thoughts as I glanced down at him. He was looking around the shop and looked bored out of his mind.

"I'm nearly finished, hon. Why don't we grab some sweets and we can have a movie night when your dad gets in?" I asked, running my hand over his hair as he rested his head on the shopping cart.

"Alright," he grumbled, sulking as he followed me around the corner and over to the sweet section.

Something was bothering him and I was just waiting for him to ask. Carl was very much like his dad when it came to his emotions. He kept them locked up as he thought over them before announcing what was on his mind.

"Who's my mom, Ellie?" he finally asked as his eyes were settled on a mom and daughter as they walked down the aisle.

Ah. That question.

"I'm not really the person you should be asking, hon. Your dad's the best one to talk to about that."

"He don't though," Carl grumbled, scuffing his toe on the floor. "He says we'll talk about it when I'm older."

"I'll talk to your dad," I said, huffing out as I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his head. "You have a right to know."

"Thank you, Ellie."

"Come on, Pickle, let's find something with lots of chocolate, lots of sugar and far too unhealthy for us to eat."

* * *

True to my word, I spoke to Rick that night once Carl was in bed. We were both tidying up the mess from the moving night when he wrapped his arms around me and brought me into a kiss.

"Something wrong with Carl?"

I sighed and pulled back from him, gaging the look in his eye before opening my mouth to speak.

"He asked about his mom. I didn't say anything," I added quickly seeing the look on his face. "I just think he should have the right to know is all. I know it's not my business but I think he should know. You should give him the answers even if it pains you."

"He's too young," Rick argued, shaking his head as he stepped back, running his hands through his hair.

"I've come to understand, Rick, that when children ask certain questions, especially ones like this, they can handle the answers." I reached out and took hold of his hand. "I asked the same question when I was five, only I asked why my dad didn't want me either."

"You think I should tell him?"

"I think you know your son the best, Rick. If you think he can't handle it then don't tell him, but I think he can handle it."

"I just, I don't know how to tell him. How could I tell him his mother didn't want him? How can I tell him she gave him up?"

"I looked over her files, I know I shouldn't have, but I was trying to see if it had any connection to Carl's sickness. She was suffering from postpartum depression. I believe in her own way she was trying to protect him by giving him up." I gave a little shrug as Rick looked at me in disbelief. "Woman can do stupid things when left in that state. She obviously cared enough about him to leave and keep him safe. I don't believe she would have hurt him, not really, but I can't really know that. No one can."

"Urghh," Rick grumbled, running his hands through his hair again as he shook his head. "I really don't know what to do, but you are right. He should know."

"Just whatever you tell him, remind him that you love him. That he's loved and nothing will change that." I wrapped my arms around him and placed a kiss to the side of his head. "You're a fantastic father, Rick, nothing you say to Carl will change that."

"Will you be with me? When I tell him?"

"If that's what you want." I pressed a kiss to his lips and cupped his face in my hands. "We're a partnership, Rick and if you need me, I'll be there."

* * *

Breakfast was strange. And I say it was strange because Rick was acting weird.

He wanted to speak to Carl in the morning so we could have all day to talk about things if Carl wanted to.

 _Tell him_ , I tilted my head at Rick and nodded to Carl.

 _How do I start?_ He raised his eyebrows and gave a little shrug.

I frowned at him and nodded again at Carl, _Just speak to him._

 _Fine._ Rick sighed out deeply and looked at Carl and set his fork down.

"Carl." The boy looked up at his dad, seeing the confusion and panic on his dad's face. "I'm ready to talk about your mom."

Carl set his fork down and glanced at me before nodding at his dad. He didn't say anything but waited patiently for his dad to say something as if he knew he would have to be patient to get the information.

"Your mom loved you, she did. Throughout the pregnancy, she was excited to have you and had even decorated the nursery before she was even five months gone." Rick paused and ran his hand over his chin. "When you were born, it was stressful for your mom. You hadn't been getting enough blood in the womb and the birth was traumatic. Your mom lost a lot of blood, you both nearly died."

"Why'd she go?"

"I … er… that's er…" Rick trailed off as he looked at me helplessly.

"Sometimes, Carl, when a woman has had a baby there can be an illness that hurt their mind." This was harder than I thought it would be. How could I explain to a five-year-old that his mother was sick and could have hurt him as a baby? "Sometimes that sickness can tell them to do stupid things, like hurt their baby. Your mom didn't want to hurt you so she left to keep you safe."

"She didn't come back."

"She did," Rick said, startling us both with this news. "When you were two, she got better and came back to see you. She saw how happy you were. Happy and healthy and she didn't want to interrupt that. She loved you, she did, but she didn't love you the way a mother should. She thought it was best to leave, to let you grow up without her." I could tell it was hard for Rick to tell Carl that. Hard for him to admit it to himself. Admit that he had been hating Lori for all the wrong reasons. At the end of the day, Lori had done what she thought was best for her son and I admired her for it.

"Can I meet her?"

* * *

**Thank you for reading xx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LucifersAlleyCat - I liked that scene too, I may include it somewhere else in the story because he deserves it. 
> 
> Rowan1925 - I was going to originally say that not too much was going to change, but I have decided to change Faylin's name to Elspeth because I feel the name Fay doesn't work with the type of story I'm hoping to change this to. I will be spending more time pre-apocalypse with Rick, Ellie, and Carl and their family life before delving into the zombies being here. I am also going to have more chapters of the time spent between Rick going into hospital and when he finds them in Atlanta. I have a lot of ideas for the re-write but I promise to keep the original up as well in case anyone prefers that. I am warning you all to know by saying that I don't intend to write for the original any more and not to get your hopes up because while some of the events and such will be the same as the TV show and therefore the original story, they will not be the same at the same time.
> 
> Ashley_Hime - I'm glad you liked the chapter. I've got a week off work Tuesday so I'm hoping I can use some of my time to focus on writing and catching up with a few of my stories. I hope you liked this chapter too.
> 
> Timetwilight - I can't wait to see your reaction to the changes I'm going to make. I'm not going to ruin the surprise and tell you anything about what is going to happen. I generally can't wait to read your responses.
> 
> Timetwilight - I love all your ideas and they have inspired some ideas of my own. I hope you stick with me to find out what I change in this version.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter.   
> You can find replies to your comments in the endnotes.

**Please excuse any spelling mistakes you may find. Please feel free to point them out to me, I won't get offended.**

**Enjoy, Comet96 xx**

* * *

A week before Christmas you could find Carl and myself wrapped up warm and in the safety of my car as we made our way to Atlanta to meet Lori.

I think I was more nervous than Carl who chatted softly as we played eye-spy on the hour drive. I knew that Lori had no legal right to him, she'd signed that away when she left, but I was worried that perhaps Carl would want her in his life, to have her as his mother and that scared me.

It scared me because I felt as if I was ready to take my place as Carl's mother, to be there for him for whatever he needed. And I was scared he wouldn't want me for that, that he'd want Lori.

Rick had wanted to be the one to take Carl but the only day Lori could agree too was the only day Rick couldn't get off work.

It was how I ended up being the one to drive to Atlanta.

"Ellie," Carl said softly, turning to face me as we started to pull into Atlanta.

"Yeah, Honey," I said, giving him a quick glance as we came to a standstill in traffic.

"Will she like me?"

"What's not to like, baby?" I saw the sadness on his face and reached over and took his hand in mine. "Even if she doesn't like you, I still love you. I may not be your mother, Carl, but I love you. Never forget that."

"I love you too," he replied, giving my hand a squeeze as he looked back out his window.

I nodded my head as I followed the road down the main street and pulled up at the pizza arcade place.

"Come on then, we're running late," I told him as I grabbed my bag and my keys and opened my door.

Carl followed me out and quickly rushed to my side, his hand sliding into mine as we made our way into the arcade. I was surprised by how many kids and teens were in the place before remembering that school and broken up the day before for the holidays.

Of course, a place like this was going to be busy.

"Elspeth?" an unsure, soft voice asked as I wandered into the restaurant area and spotted a dark-haired lady looking between me and Carl. "Hi, I'm Lori."

I gave her a smile as I led Carl to sit in the chair opposite her, taking the seat next to him. He gave her a small smile, one that told me he was unsure about whether this was a good idea.

I took his hand as I sat next to him and gave it a little squeeze.

"We're so happy you could meet us. Rick's sorry he's not here," I said taking her hand she had offered and gave it a shake.

"I'm glad you could make it." Her eyes dropped to Carl and she gave him the same sad smile he had on his face. "Hello, Carl. Thank you for asking to see me. It means a lot."

Carl nodded his head but squeezed onto my hand tightly as he stared at the woman that gave birth to him.

"Carl has a lot of questions, Lori, and it would help him if you could answer them."

"I think I know what you're going to say," she said softly, the disappointment clear in her eyes. It surprised me to realise she was disappointed with herself and not because Carl wanted to ask these questions.

"I know why you left," Carl told her, giving a little shrug as she looked at him confused. "Ellie's a doctor, she explained things for me. I don't blame you."

"He just wants to know why you never got in contact with him," I said, moving the conversation on before Carl could ask her something she would find hard to explain. Or if he hurt her by asking something stupid.

"I did come back but you were doing so well without me and I was still feeling … I wasn't feeling myself when I came back for you." She shook her head as if fighting off something she wanted to say. "Your dad was doing a better job raising you then I could. I do love you, Carl, but there's a part of me that couldn't love you right. Not like a mother. I could come back into your life, spend some time with you and build that bond, but I could never be your mother," she stopped as she let her eyes rest on me, giving me a smile, "not when you already have another that loves you dearly." Carl nodded slowly as he glanced at me too. "You understand that?"

"I do," he said, looking at me and then glancing back at Lori. "You won't be upset if I started calling her mom?

"I could never be upset with you calling your mother, mom." Lori slowly reached out and took Carl's hand that was resting on the table. "I'm proud of who you've become. Such a handsome, intelligent boy."

"Thank you," he said, squeezing her hand before turning to me. "Can I go and play, please?" I knew why he was leaving. He couldn't handle asking her all the questions he wanted to know and wanted me to do it for him.

"Of course, Honey, here you go," I said, handing him some money so he could go play. "Remember, don't talk to strangers and come back in twenty minutes so we can order some food."

"Okay, mom." I bit my lip as my eyes watered at the term. It was the first time he'd ever called me mom and I knew he'd just asked Lori if she was okay with him calling me that, but it meant a lot. "Love you."

"Love you too, baby."

"You're good with him," Lori said as we both watched him walk away. "How long have you been with Rick?"

I turned to her and tried to find any signs of jealousy on her face. I was happy when she generally looked happy at the thought of her ex moving on.

"About six months." I bit my lip again as I thought about him. "It feels like I've known him my whole life."

"He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, Lori, he just didn't understand what you'd gone through." I reached out and took her hand. "He was bitter because he didn't and couldn't understand why you left. I helped him see that it wasn't your fault. Your labour was traumatic and I think you were had post-traumatic-stress after."

"I'm not a soldier, I don't have that," she argued, pulling her hand away as she shook her head.

"You don't need to be a soldier to have PTSD, Lori." I couldn't help but laugh, holding up my hands to prevent her from getting defensive. "You can get it from being in a car accident or have a traumatic birth."

"You really think?"

"I'm not a psychologist but I know the human body. With your PTSD and postnatal depression, I'm not surprised your mind rejected Carl." I saw the regret and sadness as it pulled down her lips and her eyes watered. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Lori. You couldn't have helped it. Yes, you got helped and even that proved you didn't have a bond with Carl as everyone expected. You tried and you're trying now, that's what matters."

"You think I'm trying?"

"You're here aren't you? You came to see him and I hope you'll continue to be part of our family, even if it's not as Carl's mother but as a friend."

"Thank you, Elspeth," she said, wiping at her eyes as she pulled out a pack of tissues. "I really mean it. I was expecting you to shout at me or look down your nose. When Rick told me you were a doctor I was expecting the worst. You're exactly what Carl and Rick need, and I'm happy they found you."

"Thank you."

* * *

Christmas was relaxed now that Carl had the answers he was looking for. I knew as he got older he'd want to know more, but the good thing was that Lori was accepting and willing to be there to answer any questions he had.

I think, having her a part of his life, even if it wasn't as his mother and instead, as a family friend, would do him some good. It was another person for him to love and care about.

"Oi, hand over the potatoes," Kelly said, as she glared at Shane as he dished more potatoes on his plate. Shane looked up at Kelly and smirked as he continued to dish the potatoes on his plate, ignoring her.

I gave Rick a look and raised my eyebrows, nodding towards his best friend who was irritating and annoying mine.

"Shane, give her the potatoes," Rick said, with a sigh as he looked at Nana as if he was parenting the pair of them instead of Carl.

"Dad," Carl said, jumping in his seat as he glanced into the lounge, looking at the Christmas tree. "When can I open my presents?"

"After lunch, Carl, you know this," Rick said with a sigh, glancing at Kelly and Shane as they started bickering over the gravy.

"Why don't we just go open them now," I muttered, sharing a look with Rick as Kelly started hissing at Shane. "They won't even know we're gone."

"She's right," Nana muttered, rising from the table and following Carl into the lounge as I gave one last glance at the bickering due before taking Rick's hand and dragging him with me over to Carl.

"I got you a present, Nana." Carl handed over a thin box which Nana carefully unwrapped.

"It's lovely, Carl." She gently lifted out the photo frame and showed us. It was the four of us at Rudy's a couple of weeks ago. Rick and I were sitting in one booth, his arm over my shoulder as I leaned into him while Carl and Nana were on the other side, Carl behind her, his arms thrown around her shoulders and a massive smile on his face. We were all looking at the camera, which Maggie was holding, and we were all smiling brightly.

"You're welcome," he grumbled, his cheeks flushing red as he shuffled closer to me, snuggling up to my side. "You open one, mom."

"I've got one for all three of you," Nana said, handing over a small silver box. Carl took it from her and looked at me and his dad before opening it slowly to reveal a key. "I know it's not much but I thought you could use your grandfather's cabin." I knew what cabin she was talking about. The one in Burke Lake, just outside Washington. It was about ten hours from here.

"Can we go!" Carl asked, jumping up excitedly as he waved his hands about.

"Not yet," Rick said, ruffling Carl's hair as he brought the boy down to sit on his lap. "How about spring break?"

"Spring break sounds ideal," I replied, thinking about the hours I'd saved up and could use next year. "It would definitely have to be more than a couple of days with the drive."

"It's a long way to go," Shane said entering the room with Kelly following behind him. "You sure you wanna go that far?" He rubbed his hand over his chin as he glanced at Rick. Kelly rolled her eyes as she joined Nana on the couch, shrugging.

"It's not your choice, Shane. They can have the whole week off and then go up, it's worth the trip."

"Yeah but it's not here, what if something happens, huh? Anything could happen to Charlotte."

"Well, in that case, I'll move in for the week," Kelly argued, glaring at Shane over her shoulder as he went to argue. "She's not helpless, Shane. She's quite capable of looking after herself."

"Thank you, Kelly," Nana said, resting her hand on Kelly's knee to stop her from arguing any further with Shane. "I'm sure everything will be fine, Shane. They have their phones if anything happens they can call us."

"Why are we even discussing this?" I asked, looking between the pair of them as they looked just about ready to start another fight. "It's another three months away. Anything could happen between now and then."

"Ellie's right," Rick agreed, resting his hand on my knee and he nudged Carl off his lap and rose from his seat. "I'm gonna get a beer, do you want one?"

Shane gave a stiff nod before making his way through the room and settling in the armchair next to the Christmas tree.

There was something about Shane that got to me. There was only so much Rick could say about his best friend, but the way he acted with Kelly and the way he flirted when Rick wasn't in the room put me on edge.

He may have been a good friend to Rick but I was also sure he was jealous or Rick and jealousy could do things to people.

* * *

January brought us into a complicated year.

It seemed there was to be a test of friendship between Rick and Shane. There was a promotion going in the sheriff's department, one that would later lead to being Sheriff and I knew that Rick and Shane were both going to go for it. I knew Rick wasn't going to let it get between them, but Shane already seemed to be letting the possible promotion drive a wedge between them.

He was acting cockier, taking more risks when out on patrol. Rick had told me that Shane was even going as far as getting violent with the men they picked up.

"Hey, hon," I called, as I dropped his towels into one of the boxes. "Are you taking your towels and bedding down to the homeless shelter?"

"Well, you've already got some so I don't see the point in keeping them." Rick came into the room, a pile of clothes on his arms. "I'm getting rid of these."

"Yes, because you could never have too many flannel shirts, cowboy," I teased, taking the pile and adding them to the shelter boxes. "You think Carl's alright with this? Moving into the big house?"

"Hon, we spend most of our time there anyway." I bit my lip and turned away from him, tapping my fingers on the edge of the box. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"El?"

"Okay, so Karen was talking about it at the school on Tuesday. She has some opinions that aren't very quiet but I was really surprised when Susan agreed with her," I said, turning to face him, knowing I was pouting as he pulled on my bottom lip with his thumb.

"What'd they say?"

"They said I was taking over being Carl's mom. Karen made it clear she thought I should have left well enough alone and that Carl's managed fine not having a mother his whole life so I shouldn't interfere now." I frowned as he smiled at me softly, his head nodding a little as he listened to me. "Susan agreed. Can you believe it? She agreed! I thought we got on fine!"

"They were both friends with Lori throughout highschool. I guess they still speak to her." He shrugged as if it was understandable and nothing to bother about.

"Hey, don't shrug your shoulders at me, Rick Grimes." I huffed in annoyance as I walked out of the room and down the hall to the kitchen. "Lori's fine with you both moving into mine anyway, I asked her. She's all for it actually."

"You seem to get on with her."

"Well, she's a lovely woman, I can understand what drew you to her int he first place." I rolled my eyes as he scrunched up his nose. "You've got your problems with her, Rick, and I understand that, but she wants the best for Carl, no matter what that is."

"What if she wants him back?"

"She doesn't. I'm not saying that to be mean, but she doesn't love Carl like a son. It's more like I'm her cousin and she loves him because he's my kid." I struggled to explain it but from the slight nod, I assumed he understood what I meant. "Carl still wants to see her every couple of months and she's okay with that. He's got questions for her that only she can answer and he needs the time to be able to figure out how to ask them. You're both being really reasonable and respectful to let him do this."

"I'll always do what's best for Carl," Rick said, the determination and devotion so clear in both his voice and face.

"I know and that's why I love you."

"Hey, I never asked if it bothered you," Rick suddenly said as he went to turn away.

"If what bothered me?"

"Him calling you mom. That just came out of the blue and we never spoke about it."

"I am his mom, Rick. There didn't need to be a discussion about it unless you're unhappy."

"I'm not unhappy. If I was we wouldn't be moving in with you," he said, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze.

"What's wrong?"

I could tell he was keeping something from me and I had to wonder if he was keeping it from me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings or because he didn't know how to tell me.

"It's just, err, Shane said something."

If I could have a dollar for every time Shane had said something that had Rick stopping and second-guessing himself.

"What did he say?"

"He thinks we're rushing into this. You know." He waved his hand around the room as if that would explain everything. "Me and Carl moving into yours."

"We've been together for six months Rick, that's longer than any relationship he's had and we both know what we want. I don't intend to end things with you, my life now, the one I have with you and Carl, is the only life I want. You, him, us. All of us together."

"I want that too," he muttered, pulling me to him and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Then why are you thinking about what Shane said? Are you second-guessing everything?"

"Will you marry me?"

"What?"

"Will you marry me?" He pulled back and looked over my face trying to catch my emotions.

"Why?"

"Are you asking why I want to marry you?" He sounded confused like he couldn't believe that I was asking him why he'd do what he'd done.

"No, I'm asking why you've done it now? Surely you had something planned?" I said, slipping out of his embrace and crossing my arms over my chest.

"I did, I do. It's just … do you think we're going too fast?"

"Rick, there's no time limit on relationships. If we were back in the fifteen hundreds we would be married within weeks and I'd probably be knocked up. Our relationship is ours, we get to determine how fast or slow it goes. We're the only ones that know where we are in this partnership, not Shane, not even Carl, no one but you and me can decide if we're ready for any of those steps."

"So are you saying yes to the proposal?" he asked, rubbing his hand over his chin as he looked at me hopelessly.

"Is that all you took from what I said?"

"Well, no, but you didn't really answer my question so that's all I really care about."

"In this case, no. I won't marry you." I had to restrain from rolling my eyes at the disappointment on his face. "I said in this case, Rick. Look, go with your original plan, make a new plan, just surprise me with the proposal and don't just come out and ask me because Shane said something that had you second-guessing everything."

"Alright then … umm, shall we pick Carl up from school?"

* * *

**Thank you for reading xx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timetwilight - I always love receiving comments from you, there's always so much on your mind. I do like your ideas, but things are going to very different from the original story because I've expanded and wanted to create something different from that piece of work, but also didn't want to erase it either. You may enjoy and prefer the original to this one and that's fine because it's your opinion but this is the way I've chosen to rewrite this the way I am doing now. I hope you enjoy it nevertheless. Also, there's no actual date given for when the ZA starts in the TV show but they say it's around 2010 when it aired, so that's what I'm basing my timeline off. If that's the case, then Rick was in his late forties in the last season. In this case, Rick would be about mid/late thirties at the start of season one, and I've therefore placed him about twenty-seven during the first couple of chapters. I will be reminding everyone of the ages of the characters throughout the chapters leading up to season one and such. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter.


End file.
